It's a lovely day for a picnic

Hubby sleeps so much of the time and the weather has been too cold miserable and dreary to do anything constructive outside. There are only so many times you want to mop the floor and since we never have company anyway I barely concern myself with housework. I do however spend a ton of time sitting in front of my comp screen.

I became a facebook junkie because most of my friends can be found there.  I play several of the games until I got bored and have dwindled them down to a bare few. I went back to my sweepstakes and contest entries and I would love to go back into my couponing but I don't have the luxury of being able to just get up and go to take advantage of the bargains. I truly miss that.

Then I started blogging. Reading blogs and writing this one. As you can tell I live a very busy internet life.

Every now and then I pull myself away to do something else. Of course my caregiving duties come first and foremost. I stay at Hubby's beck and call on purpose and shower him with whatever attention he requires. Hubby's needs and many of his wants are top priority.

I made a New Year Resolution to focus in writing on the good with Hubby. I am happy to say that I have been able to, thus far, keep that resolution even though it hasn't been very easy. Caregiving can surely take it's toll on a person both physically and mentally. I have learned that if I seek to find the good, and believe me some days I have to look hard, it becomes easier and easier to find. I have also learned that in wanting to find the good makes me more more aware of how I can make it happen.

(side note) I do however wish I wanted to find the good when I was a not so good Valentine. But I have beat myself up enough about that.

Monday I pulled myself away from my comp to have a nap with Hubby. When I woke, Hubby did too and he turned the TV on. I lay there watching the middle of a show I then became interested in and as it turned out was a marathon showing. Sounded good to me, got me away from the comp screen and made Hubby happy I was spending more time with him. Of course Hubby laid back down and went back to sleep so I just sat there in the bed watching the show and occasionally stroking hubby's hair to calm him during a bad dream or just to soothe myself, like stroking a cat.

I didn't realize how late it was getting even though I could see it was getting dark outside. I finally realized I was going to have a very late supper so I scooted off to the kitchen to prepare dinner. Unsure of what I wanted to prepare I grabbed a few random things from the freezer and cooked them. I then decided I would do something out of the ordinary and I put all the random items on a platter. I grabbed 2 forks and a table cloth and walked into the bedroom.

I proclaimed we were going to have a picnic.

Hubby stared at me like I was confused LOL! I proceeded to put the tablecloth across the bed and placed the platter in the middle of the bed. I then handed Hubby a fork and retreated to the kitchen to get beverages.

When I returned, Hubby was still confused and concerned he would get something on the bed. That was a hoot to me as he ALWAYS eats in his room. Of course he does eat at his over bed table and not from the center of the bed. I assured him the table cloth would help and if we got it dirty I would just change all the linens and sheets. Hubby was satisfied with that and we had our picnic.

We have been married for 28 yrs. This was a first for us and I plan it to not be our last as I rather enjoyed the quiet meal with Hubby.

Sometime in seeking the good we just have to make it the best we can with what we have.

It was a lovely day for a picnic, and as a friend pointed out, even better that there were no ants :)

Week of Smiles 2/8 - 2/14

Feb 8: Hubby had a visitor! I was so happy to see him enjoying some time with a friend.

Feb 9: sleep

Feb 10: Cold, tired and sore (still sore from yesterdays shoveling), came in to have a bite to eat and a naptime snuggle with Hubby. He got wide eyed and shivered when I put my cold hand on his arm. We giggled and I curled my hands up under me. He asked "Are you wanting me to warm them up? I said "No, I have them under me". Surprised, he looked under the covers and realized he was laying on the cold remote. ROFLOL!

Feb 11: sleep

Feb 12: Lunch with friends after a Dr appointment then home to sleep.

Feb 13: UGH This is getting difficult when all that gets done is sleep. I am about to wake him and say "DO SOMETHING FUN AND THAT I CAN APPRECIATE!" ;-)

Feb 14: Remembering past Valentines. Cards and flowers received but mostly the bill for the flowers that arrived about 2 weeks later LOL. Valentines 2007 I never got the bill. One dozen beautiful yellow roses. For some reason I dried them and still have them as a display in my living room. The last ones I received and will receive from Hubby himself. They still make me smile.

Feb 14, 2010

So Hubby had a week of sleep. The last appointment with the Neurologist assured us that was perfectly fine. I trust Hubby's Neurologist so sleep he can do if he wants to.
I just wish he wanted to at 4 AM today.  

Still sore from 2 days of shoveling and emotionally brain tired I myself have been heading to bed a little earlier than normal. Hoping for rest, not just sleep.

I suppose Hubby got his sleep caught up because this morning he was up at 4 AM.

Our bedroom is situated right off the kitchen so I heard Hubby opening and closing cabinet doors.
I listen for 'scary" noises like falling or unsteady walking. I can even distinguish if he has opened the cabinet we keep the BC Headache Powder in.

After I decided all was well I closed my eyes. Then I heard the rattle, crinkle, rattle, crinkle, crinkle. On and on for what seemed like a 4 AM eternity. I lay there and debated getting up or waiting it out. Knowing I am NOT a morning person and never claiming to be and have serious doubts I ever will be, I chose to lay in my bed and try to go back to sleep. I knew if I got up I would more than likely sound gruff and annoyed and I didn't really want to start my day or Hubby's day like that. After a while the horrid noise stopped and I went back to sleep, or cat napping. Hubby rattled around in the kitchen opening the fridge, cabinets, drawers, rifling through the utensils and glasses. At 6:30 AM that horrible rattling started again.

Now it is beginning to grate my nerves.

Again I lay there hoping, praying that the noise will stop. I couldn't quite make out what the noise was, the inside of a cereal box? a chip bag? Whatever it was seemed to get louder and louder in my head until I finally got out of bed marched into the kitchen. Quickly surveyed he was attempting to open a package of sausage biscuits (you know, the kind that you must open with a pair of scissors because the glue they use on the package is industrial) by hand when gruffly (I told you) said  "Let me do that" Poor Hubby got scared out of his wits when I spoke. I took the package from his poor shaking hands, grabbed a knife opened the package and nuked the stupid biscuits. Reached over and hit the brew button on the coffee pot and sulked into the bathroom.

Oh yeah, I am definitely Valentine material today.

I retrieved Hubby's biscuits from the nuker, asked him if he had his mustard which he retrieved and applied himself. Then he came into my computer room where I set up a table for him and he sat with me while I drank my coffee and checked e-mail.

 Now I sit and reflect on the morning and all the things I should have done differently but didn't and honestly in the same situation would probably do again. The truth is painful.

I am also reading some blogs about Valentines. Gifts received or remembered. One blog, written by a friend of mine, in particular made me laugh out loud. She received a beautiful bouquet of flowers from her husband and learned she was receiving a pedi/manicure. She knew this not because she had received it early but because she noticed the charge on a credit card receipt! Now when I read this, I wasn't laughing AT her I was laughing because I remembered all the times I received flowers from Hubby. Oh the flowers were beautiful, don't get me wrong. I love flowers. It was just that  2 weeks later I always received the bill that came with them LOL!!!
I can remember 2 times I never got the flower bill.
The first time was when I had given birth to our first child 27 years ago. Hubby sent me a dozen red roses. So beautiful.

The second was Valentines 2007. Hubby and I were trying to reconcile after a long, painful and bitter separation.
They were a dozen yellow roses. That was the last time Hubby ever sent me flowers. Shortly thereafter he was diagnosed with Lewy and Lewy doesn't celebrate anything.

I don't know why but I dried those flowers. I hung them upside down in a spare closet and now they are a display in my living room. I would like to find a glass box to put them in but finding one hasn't been a top priority.

But every time I look at those roses, I smile.