If I'm not there has to be something wrong with me.
After all, it's JUST a phone call.
A much needed phone call.
So why can't I bring myself to pick up the phone to make the call to the V.A. and inquire about setting up respite?
I'm afraid, but of what?
Respite is VITAL to the well being of a caregiver.
When Hubby was first diagnosed in 2007 the Social Worker had mentioned that the V.A. would provide 2 weeks respite care. At the time trying to process all the information was mind boggling so this info sat on a back burner, so to say.
Here it is 4 yrs later and the thought crosses my mind.
I have read and heard so much about caregiver health statistics like these.
And according to the CDC I'm already in the poor self care bracket.
CDC- Caregivers said they do not go to the doctor because they put their family’s needs first (67% said that is a major reason), or they put the care recipient’s needs over their own (57%). More than half (51%) said they do not have time to take care of themselves and almost half (49%) said they are too tired to do so (NAC, 2004).
YIKES! I never see a Dr or have checkups for anything.
If I don't look after my own health, physical and mental, how effective can I be as a concerned and compassionate caregiver?
It's just a phone call but every time I think about making it my heart races and my palms get sweaty.
I have all the reasons not to in my head. They all make sense, to me.
They won't care for Hubby like I do.
What if he gets very unhappy because he wont be able to do the things he thinks he can and becomes difficult. Will they medicate him?
What if he gets confused and they mistake his night time wandering as sleeplessness and give him sleeping meds.
Will they let him have his pull ups or make him wear tabbed disposables?
What will he be like when he comes home?
And something hiding in the far back of my mind where scary things fear to look. Even worse,
What if he likes them better than me?
What if he is happy and doesn't ever want to come back to me?
What if he takes a shine to a friendly yet professional caregiver or resident.
he's a charming guy, it could happen.
After all why wouldn't he? He doesn't really know me anymore.
What if I lose him,
I don't know if my heart could stand it.
This is a horrible feeling!
I must be sick.
Please let me be sick.
When I get better, I'll make the call.