Coasting

Look Ma, No Hands!!!!!!!!!!

It seemed that for a few weeks lewy had taken a break from the havoc it can wreck.
I'm not complaining at all!
To be honest I was a little afraid to mention it for fear the coasting would run into pot holes, or sink holes would open up under us!

Even though the last few weeks had been cognitively decent for Hubby they have also been filled with other emotional struggles. A family members illness and eventual death kept me torn between home for my loved one and away for my loved ones. We are blessed that youngest daughter was willing to stay with her father so I could lend support to others.
This family situation was not one I could keep from Hubby. I was concerned how Hubby would react to this distressing sad news. I was concerned how Hubby would react to my being away so often. I was concerned for our family and the painful journey they would be taking. I couldn't take away their pain, I could only be there for them when it was possible.
 I was concerned for youngest daughter taking care of her father. Not because I didn't think she could do it, she just graduated from CNA classes, but because Hubby is very needy.

Or at least that's how he is with me.

I  learned that while I was away Hubby became very independent.
Instead of asking youngest daughter to do anything, and she offered many times, he refused most of her assistance and did things on his own.
Things like turning on lights, getting his own beverages, finding snacks, changing the TV channels. Oh, there were the occasions he would mess the TV up and call youngest daughter to help, or needed muscle cream applied to his neck and back and would ask for her help then.
But mostly, he got up, walked around and did for himself.
WHA?!!!!!
Are you kidding me?!
I would have never known this had I not been told because as soon as I walked in the door, it was all "honey, do".
But now that I have this knowledge, what could I do with it?
I tried and eventually failed at getting Hubby to do some things for himself since then. He was good for a day or two and just stopped. Complaints of pain and general feelings of illness took control of Hubby's physical movements. His shaking has increased. Some times he looks like he's on the last step out of a fun house. You know, that moving floor you have to cross?
So that leaves me to wonder, Maybe I am Hubby's problem ;-)

Besides the shaking Hubby has developed another issue. He has started to drool.
Not a lot but enough to make sure he has a tissue close by and reminders to wipe his mouth. He says he isn't aware it's happening.

Hubby also took a HUGE positive fluctuation in memory.
He can recall MANY things that have occurred in the course of our lifetime together. Things I had forgotten my own self until reminded.
Minor things also as well as significant one.
Lewy Body Dementia is such a strange disease.

I wish I could really, really, just enjoy the positives.
I know we should live in the moment, enjoy the day, blah blah blah. Reality can have an ugly side. I keep waiting for the fall. I made a comment to a group the other day "Somewhere between diagnosis and death there is a whole lot of good living to be done. Why does it feel like we always try to skip to the end?"
Maybe I'm protecting my heart from hurting again when Hubby once again loses the memory of our life. I don't know.

Another change in Hubby is his interest in Gospel music. I'm not saying that's a bad thing LOL!! I find it odd because Hubby is a country music guy. In the past I have offered music of various kinds for him. He would always want it turned off. They say music soothes the savage beast. Well Lewy was having NO part of being soothed, until lately.
It just seemed to me that Hubby went against everything I learned about caregiving for someone with dementia. He didn't like routine, he didn't like music, he didn't like activity, he didn't like... insert all things "tried and true" by the professionals. Was I failing because of that? No, I just realized that is Hubby's dementia.
Like the saying, Once you meet one person with dementia, you've met one person. All uniquely different.

I'm keeping to myself these days. I'm staying focused in our world, maybe too much.
For now, we coast with hands off the bars and wind in our face.
Yet ever mindful that the handle bars must be grabbed to steady on.
I feel the front tire wobbling.

Here's some glimpses into our lewy life from FaceBook.
Feb 25 : Yesterday, Hubby wanted to have a talk with me. He motioned that I sit at the end of the bed and we had a very long conversation about. Because he thought it should. He didn't want me to. We did this. So I sat and listened and responded accordingly. And when he felt like we had talked enough, he was content with how it went.
Now you may be wondering what the heck I'm talking about, right? yeah, me too.
BUT apparently it ended well so that's all that matters. :)

March 17: The MOST annoying sound in the world? Candy Wrappers at 3AM!!! Not mentioning any names though >:/

 Youngest daughter asks her hubby to bring her ice cream tonight. They asked if Hubby and I wanted any. I politely declined and hubby accepted. Hubby kept asking me if I wanted some and after it arrived continued to still ask me. Several times I declined. A minute or so after receiving his, Hubby shuffled over to me and this time I was very quick to insist that I did not want any, seriously, I was fine and appreciated him wanting to share, but no thank you, in a firm tone. Then he said, I just wanted you to open it for me. Kind of rude that he didn't want to share! ;-) LOL!!!
Now he's feeding the dogs some with a spoon.

March 19: 
Hubby and I are getting ready to go into town. He's struggling but I'm helping. Doing simple things like that makes him shake much more and wears him out. He made a comment about his struggle and shaking. I said I believed that doing things like that requires more mental energy from him resulting in the difficulties.
He smiled and asked, "Are you trying to say I'm using my brain too much?"
My answer: "Yes and you're not used to it."
He swatted me! LOL!!!!!!

March 23:  Hubby, feeling his oats today, decided to sneak up on, grab and scare me. Not a good thing to do because in fight or flight mode, I fight. I hit him in self defense and nearly knocked him down. oopsie! LOL!! I better check him for black and blue marks later.

March 31:  Hubby shares EVERYTHING he gets to eat with the dogs. He will even chase them down with a spoon or fork full of something so they can have a bite and at times he will try to force feed them. Nothing I say seems to deter him. Not even a sick dog :P
Tonight is no exception, he's eating cake and ice cream and sharing. Deciding he needed more because the dogs were eating it all, I finally try to put down my foot about it and it worked, until I walked out of the room and he gave them the last bite. LOL!!

April 3: 
Tonight I am SOooooo glad we paid more to have DVR.
Hubby insisted that it was going to be 80 degrees tomorrow.
I tried to explain that it wouldn't be anywhere near it, only cold and rainy, yet he insisted all the more.
Fast thinking I grabbed the remote, hit the back button until the 5 day forecast showed up.
He pointed and said SEE?!
to which I said "That's an 80% chance of rain".
Hmmph, I showed him! Literally.
Worth every penny to be right! ;-)