"I'm Hungry" Declares Hubby

"Still?" I asked
"What do you mean still?" Hubby questions
"Well, You've eaten all night and just finished 2 sausage biscuits."
"I haven't eaten all night"
"Really!? Then who left the empty containers of food on the counter and spilled the cheese all over the floor in front of the refrigerator? Never mind, do you want Malt o meal?"

Hubby agrees that Malt o meal is what he wants for a second breakfast.

Mouse named Hubby

I get tickled at Hubby and his eating habits. He gets it in his head he needs certain things to eat. For a while I made hamburgers every day. That's what Hubby wanted, that's what Hubby got.
Then he was on a malt o meal kick that gave way to oatmeal, then biscuits and gravy now sausage biscuits with the malt o meal addition at times. Must be for the variety or all the sugar I put in it. OH and shredded cheese!! How did I almost leave THAT out?!!

Hubby has always had a decent appetite. It's pretty obvious when you look at us. We do not appear to be starved for something to eat. I suppose these days food is the only thing we CAN do so we do, but that's an entirely different blog ;-)

Hubby has always had night time eating habits he didn't remember. I recall the kids telling me that they would see dad hunkered down in front of the fridge eating misc left overs. Of course Hubby didn't remember he had eaten and would complain the next day at lunch time that the kids must have eaten thus and such. Of course I knew full well the kids didn't like thus and such. Being the good wife that I am I took Hubby's side and made the kids promise they would not eat thus and such any more and they willingly agreed to never touch it again ;-)

The kids and I enjoyed the smile of it. No harm no foul.

These days Hubby still makes his nightly raids to the refrigerator. Niece has come down in the night upon hearing a noise only to find the fridge light shining and Uncle Hubby leaned over the counter eating something.
Hubby's into "fast food" and NEVER tries to cook anything. To be honest he doesn't know how to cook so he never tries. That's a plus for me.

I am happy Hubby still has appetite. Even if he doesn't remember. I did have a thought provoking discovery though. As I prepared Hubby's Malt O Meal I retrieved the butter bowl. What I found when I opened it was that Hubby had made a meal or part of a meal with the butter.

It did get me to thinking though. Not only do I want to continue to have things for Hubby to munch on I want to be sure that I keep any RAW or expired foods (Don't gasp, I'm sure some of you have green stuff you can't identify in your fridge) that might be harmful to Hubby out of his line of site. To my knowledge Hubby has never eaten anything that could potentially make him very sick but Lewy does it's own thing so who knows what Lewy likes to eat.

So we all know what this means right? MORE work for me. yay THANKS LEWY! grumble grumble as I go through the fridge.
Wasn't this supposed to be strawberry jelly? ewww

Pillow Fight

I decided to call it a night .

It was 1 AM

Sleep finally hit me like a ton of bricks. I was happy to experience it.

Then during the night I experienced something else, a dull thud in my back.
I awoke with a jolt but an exhausted millisecond survey said no problems so I closed my eyes again.

Then another thud and a smack on my head. Again and again.
It didn't really hurt as a pain but it was uncomfortable and annoying and I knew at that moment I was under attack by the Lewy Body dream hoodlums that invade Hubby's sleep.
An agitating group that leaves Hubby thrashing, fighting and kicking while he sleeps. Often times yelling profanity or threats at them or unintelligible sounds followed by more hitting.
Hubby takes meds to alleviate this problem yet it persists. I suppose not to the degree it could be. 
The poor night table on Hubby's side has had it's share of abuse and we wont even mention the demise of a bed side lamp.

On a normal (giggle) night, or day or any time Hubby is asleep, which is pretty much most of the time, I get some kind of a warning that the fight will ensue following the verbal  barrage.
A jerk or mumblings or a loud yelp.
At which point, if I'm in bed, I crawl out of the bed into a safe zone. (Usually to the coffee pot and in my comp chair)
I have already learned to "run for cover" for fear of one too many knocks upside the head.

This time however, the warning, if any, was missed and I experienced a full rear assault to my back and head. Sleep, however, was trying to win out and keep me trapped so what else was I to do? I grabbed my second pillow I sleep on, and placed it around my head and between Hubby and me as a shield. I think at one time I may have "butted" Hubby back to his side of the bed.

Hubby must have felt victorious as he finally settled down and the assault stopped.

 WHEW!

I'll tell you, it is certainly an experience in self control to be woken by attack and not retaliate. ;-)

Just an ordinary day

Hubby: "Where's the coffee at?"

Wife: "In the kitchen."

Hubby long pause then sincerely: "Where's the kitchen at?"

Wife understanding: "I'll get it, I'm headed that way"

Hubby: "Thank You"

Wife smiles sweetly: "You're welcome"

Hubby smiles back feeling secure and easy

Lord, help me remember that this is his reality and I should treat him as though it were his first time here. Even if it's all day. Amen

Prepare to Swab the Deck

Hubby joined the Navy when he was a youngster. He was so young that his mother had to sign for him to go.
He spent 4 yrs on a ship, the same ship, which is unusual I understand.
He ranked as a GM3 and was top knotch at hitting targets dead on.
He told me that they asked him to stop hitting them at one point.

This was the first time Hubby had ever been away from the tiny rural town he lived in.
It was a life changing moment for him.
It was also during the Korean War conflict.

I am amazed at how clearly he remembers things on his ship. A ship he was on for only 4 yrs.
I am more amazed that after 29 yrs of marriage he does not remember me. Sheesh!

But that isn't the story here.

Once upon a time, OK the other day...

It was supper time.
I was busy in the kitchen preparing the evening meal for Hubby, Niece and myself.
Chicken strips cooked in a fajita mix and placed on top of a plate of salad. A boiled egg sliced and shredded cheese, fiesta blend, topped with a spicy ranch dressing and some raspberry lemonade.
Yumm!!

Just as I finished pouring the salad greens in a bowl I heard Hubby moving around in the bedroom.
I looked in and ask him if he wanted Salad.
Hubby was lying in the bed and waved me off. I hurriedly asked if he was OK and again he waved me off so I left the room
I called Niece to wash up and she and I finished putting things on the counter when I heard Hubby again. I went once again to check.
Hubby stood in the bathroom doorway, in his usual slumped over stance leaning into our adjoining bathroom door frame as a support. I asked him about supper. His reply, "I need a...."(long pause) "I need a...."(long pause)

first word, sounds like... oh you get the picture.

Nothing I asked was what he needed. Hubby started looking back into the bathroom. AH HA!!
I deduced Hubby needed something in the bathroom. (I was smart to figure that out)
Towel? no, Wash cloth? no
Hubby was wearing his pull ups and didn't need clean ones, I asked.

"I need a ...(pause)...mess"

"You need a mess?"

Annoyed tone- "No" (Yes yes, I know , I am stupid Hubby)

"In there" Hubby looked again into the bathroom.

I walked to the bathroom and what to my wondering eyes did appear?! (Isn't that a line from a Christmas story?)
Water, ALL over the floor.
What the heck?!

Where did all the water come from?
My first thought, Hubby had broken the water pipe around the toilet. I hurriedly removed my socks and set off into the wetness. No broken pipe but WORSE!! Ok maybe not worse just disgusting

Hubby had stopped up the toilet and tried to plunge it.
It overflowed!!
UGH!!!!
I stepped in it!!
And Supper is ready!!
EWWWWWWW!!!!

So lets back up a little.
Ummm, No pun intended.
One of the difficulties of Lewy Body Dementia can be Constipation.
Hubby is NOT active. Most of the time he sleeps so he never moves like a body needs to in order to have all your internal pipes functioning properly. Typed as delicately as possible.
Hubby on the other hand does eat and anything he chooses is just fine with me. I think, as long as it isn't weird or make me gag.

Moving on.

So to help combat this constipation Dr prescribed a stool softener and a laxative to use as needed. I do not give the laxative to Hubby every day. I think I prefer a little constipation to runny uncontrollable stool.

TMI!

Fast forward...

I rolled up my pant legs and hurried out of the bathroom. Grabbed a towel for my feet and several disposable bed pads to throw on the floor to absorb the water.
I notified Niece she was going to have to eat alone as it looked like my job would keep me occupied for a bit and there was no reason she should eat a cold supper.

I collected more pads threw the floor rugs into the washer.
Scrubbed my hands and helped Hubby get settled.
I made him a plate of food and a beverage.
He was set.

Mostly, I appreciate any time that Hubby feels like he can do things.
Things like putting on his own socks or T shirt, but never does and he always asks me to help with.
Or throwing away his trash instead of leaving it on his table for me to clean.
Even bringing the empty plastic cups into the kitchen when he chooses to shuffle in there.
Simple things.

I do not appreciate him trying to do things he KNOWS, or should know, he can not do.
Shuffling with a full cup or bowl of liquid.
Carrying glass jars.
Plunging the toilet!

So needless to say my evening may have started out crappy ;-)
BUT on the bright side.
I fired up the steam cleaner and sprayed the peroxide on the floor so the floor got nice and clean.
The rugs got washed and the toilet flushes like its supposed to.
Nobody slid and fell and my supper was still good when I got to it.

One day, I'll miss these days

STOP THIEF!!

What a crazy night!
Hubby had decided to go through all of his drawers in the house, again. Now that in itself is no big deal. He has done this on more than one occasion and it does not bother me that he keeps himself occupied with this task. If he leaves it scattered about I just shove it all back into the drawer and close it. He never seems upset by the mess.

Hubby had some old jewelry and watches in the drawer. Mostly old watches of various kinds. A couple old and sentimental pieces but the rest I would consider as junk. Hubby seems to have become obsessed by them and now keeps his collection on his night table. Checking and rechecking them to see if they run. He has even taken a few apart to "see". Maybe a couple need batteries but getting to the store for batteries is not on the list of things to do for me when I have the opportunity to go to the store. So there they sit for him to look at and fidget with.

But lately, hubby has taken an interest in other things to keep. A week or so ago he went through my jewelry box and located the first gift he ever gave me. A watch. It has long time expired but I kept it anyway. It's 29 yrs old.
hubby called me over to where he was and asked me if I could "figure out what was wrong with this thing." I immediately noticed that he had my watch and had it dismantled! A pang of hurt cursed through my veins and I grabbed the watch away and reassembled it in tears. Hubby was a little confused by my action about it but we both let it go and I replaced the object to it's resting place.

Or so I thought.

The other night Hubby was looking through his watches and misc pieces of jewelry. He mentioned my rings and asked about them. I showed them to him and he asked to see them so I removed them and handed them to him. He asked me if I knew where they came from so I started explaining and he disagreed with me. I disagreed with him and the back and forth of the "It's mine" "No it's not" discussion ensued.

Hubby with possession of my rings started to put them on his table. Of course I wasn't smart enough to just leave them be until the morning so I reached over and took my rings away from him. Placing them on  my fingers for safe keeping. Hmmmph

Hubby gave me a suspicious grin and turned back to his fidgeting with his scrap jewelry.
I did notice that amongst that scrap jewelry was a necklace that was mine but him having it didn't seem to bother me like the rings. I never said anything about it.

A short while later Hubby made his way around the end of the bed, to the dresser and produced my watch. He asked me if I knew what it was. I answered that it was the first gift he ever gave me.
Hubby smiled and said "Oh no"
I had to insist (I'm smart like that)  "If it wasn't for me then who was it for?
Hubby replied "Do you think you are the only woman I ever bought a present for?"
Of course I couldn't let that slide so I snipped, "No, but I know I'm the only one you bought THAT for."

Hubby replaced the watch and announced to me that I was greedy for wanting things that didn't belong to me.
I just sat in my chair and stared at him. Computing the words and trying so hard not to laugh at him.

If it wasn't so funny, I think I would cry!

Straight Talk

WARNING to the overly sensitive about death: Straight talk-
Hubby (through tears) motions me to him and I sit on the bed beside him. He asks...

Hubby: How long do you think I'll be like this?
Me: Only God knows that answer.
Hubby: I don't want to be a burden.
Me: You aren't a burden but some days are hard. The hard part is trying to deal with your mind. I understand your frustration and I wish I could do more.
Hubby: We cant fix it can we?
Me: No, but we are doing what we can. I love you and I want to do all I can to make you as comfortable for the life you have left.
Hubby: I think I should move away.
Me: If you are thinking of leaving me then all I can say is you better die.

Hubby smiles, reaches up and pats me on the arm. Then he says. "I do love you"
I love you too Hubby <3

2:30 AM

"Honey, I think I need to go to the hospital."


Not the kind of thing you want to hear at 2:30 AM.


So a little backround. 
Hubby has had several "bad" days. Until you come face to face with dementia on a daily level, it's difficult to understand the terms, good days and bad days. At least it was for me. Oh I had been around other people with dementia before, this isn't my first walk around the block with it. Hubby's mother had it. She lived in our home for a few months and at the time I was only vaguely familiar with dementia.

I knew what dementia was but didn't KNOW what dementia was. Every day was a bad day as far as I was concerned. I had 3 kids under the age of 12, a moody and emotionally unwell husband, his brother with Downs syndrome and his mother all to care for. It was also during this time that Hubby was admitted to a 9 week instay PTSD program at the veterans hospital. To add to the joys of the situation, Hubby, being the friendly "Let me take care of you buddy" sort that he is/was, invited complete strangers to come and stay with us while they had "weekend down time" at the hospital. People that were in from other states or had no place to go on the weekends.


I have to admit that we met some of the most wonderful people and I am still friends with to this day. I am blessed to know them.


So combine all ingredients and mix well. Every day was a bad day for dementia.


fast forward....


It's strange that a few months ago I would have considered Hubby's agitation as bad  and yet these days still bad, just not as bad. When exposed to something for long periods I suppose we get used to it.
But last night, Hubby got himself all kinds of  annoyed. Apparently he has been on brain overload the last few days. Angry thoughts and outbursts of moving away and living alone. Driving and taking back all the things I'm "stealing" from him. He found my purse and took all the money out of it. I never said a word about it not wanting to add to his emotional decline. He spoke of his death and how much longer he thought he would have to live like this. He debated about not taking his meds in hopes the process might speed up but me not confirming that possibility finally compounded enough last night to send him into an anxiety attack.


Hubby has never had an anxiety attack before and when he woke me from the sleep I had finally found, I had to survey the situation and make a judgment call. I fear of hospital admittance and new meds. I know that with Lewy Body, some meds can have serious side effects that are irreversible. Meaning sending him deeper into Lewy and not bouncing back. Perhaps I am selfish in keeping him away.


Hubby was shaking so severely almost as though he was having chills just not quite jerking like a seizure. He couldn't stop shaking. First thing I did was check for body temp. He wasn't feverish, neither was he cold to the touch. He was crying as he tried to talk to me about how he couldn't stop shaking and he couldn't stop thinking and he had never been like this before. As he spoke I assessed that he was experiencing panic. 


My poor Hubby. I felt helpless to do anything. I snuggled up close to him and held him tightly. I spoke in calming words to assure him he was in the best place he could be. That I would do everything in my power to make sure he was safe and comfortable.I told him I realized his frustrations and I wished beyond all wishes I could change things for him but I was not able to. So I would just love him. He cried and shook all the more. At one point he told me he even thought about shooting himself  but didn't think he had the nerve to do it. (FYI- NO weapons in the house) Then said he even wondered if I would do it for him but he decided I would not. I agreed with that and I held him as tight and as close as I could.

I snuggled into his neck close to his ear and verbally prayed for him and his peace and calmness in the name of Jesus. 

After a few mins Hubby seemed to relax and his shaking started to go away. I lay there breathing on his neck and listening to him breathe. A few more mins passed and Hubby settled down almost completely. Enough that he was able to rise and walk to the bathroom with minimal problems.

On his return to the bed we snuggled up again and fell asleep. He rested fairly well the remainder of the night.
Or maybe that was me.


Hubby thought he wanted to go do something today but as the morning passed I woke him to see if he was still interested. He was not. It is now 12 hours later from his panic attack. He sleeps. I listen to his rhythmic breathing and even woke him one to see if he needed to use the rest room. I know how frustrated he gets when he lays asleep too long and there is a need to get cleaned up and change bed sheets upon rising.


I love Hubby.

I don't like leaving these posts in doom and gloom so I am going to share a smile we shared from a couple of weeks ago. I had it all typed out and never posted it. Not sure how that happened so here it is

Conversation with Hubby: "Is my... (long silence) well, I guess it is, or isn't, or aint."

Me: "Before I could answer that question I would need to know what you are talking about."

Hubby: looks at me, smiles and says, "I have no idea what I'm talking about" 

We both just broke out laughing! LOL!!

It's always good when we can share a laugh.