Disclaimer

This is dementia. It's not just a memory problem.
What you read in this blog is purely my own personal experience in dealing with Lewy Body Dementia every day.

This is not meant to offer any medical or legal advise.
I have no professional training in care giving or experiences in formal writing.
I'm just a woman that loves her husband deeply and wants to provide him with the best quality of life he can and chooses to have.
My prayer though this is "Lord, What am I learning from this; how can I use it help someone else and to glorify You?"
If just one person finds comfort in this public blog. I will feel like it was a success.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Surreal

First we had the turmoil of potentially severe weather that included tornadoes.
We ourselves were fortunate enough to have escaped the full brunt of the storms.
Now we deal with flooding from what seems the never ending rains.
It doesn't seem right that Arkansas should feel this cold in May, but here I sit wearing a jacket and running my heater.

As strange as it seems about that, I find myself in what feels a stranger place.
Perhaps it's the change in the weather, Hubby too has had his fair share of ups and downs lately, so it's possible.
My strange feeling is that my life feels out of place.
Like I'm disconnected from it and it's all a dream that I will wake up from.

Days I think I'm walking in slow motion and just going through the motions of living only to find that the days are whizzing by and I haven't done much living.

Today was no exception.

Hubby over the last few days has taken another up trend.
As much as I appreciate these mobile days I'm always waiting for the bottom to fall out.
But while it's good, and he isn't talking about moving away, I'll take the good.

Remember the rain? Apparently Hubby forgot it was raining and he insisted that we were going to town after the "wash woman' (aka personal care aide) left. Hubby didn't want her help with anything and sent her to another room until her time to leave came. Afterward he dressed himself; all but his shirt buttons.
I thought, when he see's it raining he will change his mind.

I shaved him, at his request and combed his hair.

He put on his coat and hat and proceeded to the door. He kept asking me if I was ready.
Yep, pants, shirt, ponytail, shoes, no makeup. I was ready to meet the world.
I grabbed a jacket; he didn't change his mind.
oh well it was raining.
I asked him if he was ready he answered "Yes' then realized he needed shoes.

I took the wheelchair out at his ready to ride to the car.
He refused and walked, slow, but walked.

I loaded the chair then made sure his door was closed and got in.

I always get nervous when Hubby leaves the house.
I never know what he may have up his sleeve once we make the 6 mile trip to get to town.
He had no plans so we went to the store for milk.
He waited in the car.

When we left he suggested we stop to eat.
I drove to our favorite eating establishment but they were closed.
We drove a little to see the flooding and headed to another place to eat.

We had a nice leisurely late lunch and pie.
We sat and smiled at each other with no conversation other than what he would like to eat.
I tell him my order, Hubby has the same. Sounds good to him.
While we sat there I stared at Hubby. My mind thinking, how many more good days like this? Will this be my last time to enjoy his company out? Does he wonder the same things?
I felt like at that moment I came face to face with Hubby's mortality and I wanted to cry, instead I stared at him soaking up the peaceful quiet and grateful I was there.

Melt down occurred and I saw it coming with Hubby's announcement of being tired.
He tried to get to the restroom without assistance but I insisted and he willingly accepted.
I held his arm as we walked and I held doors for Hubby. We eventually made it back home. A wheelchair ride in and Hubby undressed and settled in his bed.
Within an hr he declared he was hungry and wanted a sandwich.
After the next 2 he wanted to eat again so I fixed his plate for supper and got his lemonade for him.
He ate it all. He even came in another hr later and raided the refrigerator.
He is definitely going to need a dose of Miralax!

It's 12:15 am and here I sit still. Enjoying the recap of the day yet at the same time questioning if the day was real.
I wonder if I'm the only one to have this disconnected feeling.
I wonder if it's normal.
How would I even know, since nothing around here is normal.

1 comment:

  1. Lovely day. Keeping things "as is" is so important to our husbands. Glad your area was spared a tornado. I think outings are important also. We even camp! Our new/used popup camper will feel more normal to my husband than a hotel room will. Just thinking ahead to enjoy as many days as we can.

    Cordially,
    Carol
    who also blogs sagas about her husband's dementias (Vascular and Alzheimer's) on
    http://plantcityladyandfriends.blogspot.com/

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