I mow, I mow, Because the grass does grow...

I mowed the yard yesterday.
I have mentioned that I have a love hate relationship with mowing.

Yesterday Hubby had a fairly confusing day. Lewy started it off that way. After a night of constant sleep interruptions I decided to rise and hope he would decide to lay back down and sleep. I drank my morning pot of coffee. Took care of my Facebook obligations (games);-) threw the bathroom rugs in the washer and dryer and cooked Hubby some biscuits and gravy with sausage (his new obsession) tended to a few household chores, OK a very few household chores, FINE I rinsed a dish sheesh!! Give a girl a break ;-)

As I dressed and was preparing to go out and tackle the yard I told him of my yard plans and asked him if he wanted anything before I went out. He looked at me with a confused expression and said, "Now? It's time for bed."
I had to explain what time it was and show him the sun shining brightly. He shuffled over to the clock and stared at it for a bit and said "hmm" someone told me it was..." And that was the end of that conversation.

Hubby decided to lay down anyway so I took the chance to scoot out while he was still. I come in every little bit to check on Hubby and make sure he is OK and see if the phone rang while I was out. It also keeps me from being in the sun too long at one time and hydrated and snacked :)

Hubby's condition has taken a down turn. Actually, just a consistent of what already was occasionally. We are now fully dependent on incontinence aids. YAY! Not yay in a, glad we are there, way but yay in, I am glad he made the decision avoiding the many mishaps that have occurred and the extra laundry.

The delusions/hallucinations have always been there, mostly at night, but Hubby has kept them to himself most of the time because he wasn't sure if they were real or not so he chose to think they were not or waited until they were verified in some way.
But as of late, they are mentioned more these days as well as nights. Mostly in the "Somebody told me", "Who was here?", "I keep thinking a lot of people are talking to me". Somewhere Hubby still has the ability to sort them out enough to ask me now if what is perceived is the truth and accepts that it isn't possible when I tell him it did not happen. I consider it a blessing that he is never upset by those thoughts and voices or people. I might even like them myself if they would just help around the house ;-) But they don't so the work is left up to me alone. sigh

As we were laying in bed last night I was watching some television while Hubby was laying close with his arm across me. He looked up at me and asked me if I ever got my TV's hooked up.

Trying not to be confused by his question I asked what TV's was he talking about?

He said "Those ones..."
Then he looked around and said "Oh that can't be right, they told me..."

I questioned him further about they.

He said "Those people were talking to me about..."

I said there was nobody here to talk to him but me.

He looked at me and said "I have a lot of people that talk to me. Is it part of my brain problem?"

How clear and complete was that?
I told him that it must be very confusing to have so many people talking to him.

He agreed.

Then he looked at me for a long time and said
"You know, I kinda remember who you are."

I smiled and said that was a good thing.

He told me "I should have helped me mow the yard."

I asked him "Like we used to? That would be nice."

Then I thought about how we used to mow our 2 acres when he did help me. 2 riding mowers side by side and us holding hands until we had to turn then rejoined.

Life seems simple then.

Hate/Love Relationship

I hate mowing.
I love mowing.

I hate mowing because it's usually hot and if it isn't I know it will be.
It's dusty and dirty and a job that has to be done often and it takes a long time. I usually have to dedicate a couple of days for it.
Gas can be expensive and mowers require maintenance I am learning to give. Our inability to just get up and go pinches me when I need stuff to repair flat tires or change oil or replenish gas etc etc.
One of my big fears is that while I am taking care the yard, Hubby will be in the house and fall down. I will not hear him if he does. That fear keeps me coming back into the house every little bit to check on Hubby and continually watching the doors in case he attempts to come outside to find me. I've nearly run into a tree straining to see the back door once. Call me George ;-) LOL

I love mowing because it is a solitude away from the phone and the monitor. It is a time I pray and reflect and have some 'quiet time' enjoying the beauty of the earth around me and the sky and the sheer awesomeness of God's handiwork. It's when I mostly appreciate the trees and the shade they offer when I'm hot and need to find rest under one for a short time until I continue with my chore. The sound of the mower drowns out the passing cars and other noises. I once made a comment that I enjoy praying while I mow because I know God can hear me even over the noise of the mower, Heart sounds are louder.

So God and I mowed yesterday and I talked and listened to a great many things.

The update on our bank fiasco has good news. Our income was returned to the sending institutions and placed in suspended status. We now have them un-suspended and should receive an income again in 10 days. YAY! Did I happen to say YAY?!

Our sleeping situation has not improved but I was woke only a couple of times last night. I tried to go to bed early and catch up on a few zzz's. I feel less brain dead today.

Hubby has had a few tough physical days. We took a pleasurable opportunity to have lunch with our baby girl and her hubby. It's strange when your children fight with you over who is going to pay. I offered but conceded her insistence as I know they are aware of our situation and want nothing more than to help in any way.
Hubby was barely able to make it into the restaurant but didn't want to use the wheel chair. We asked to be seated at a closer table than they originally gave us.
Daughter and Son in law gathered up the drinks and utensils and brought them to our new table. After our meal Hubby needed to find the men's room and I was able to get him there. As he went inside I scooted out to the vehicle and retrieved the wheel chair. He did not fuss about the ride out.

He barely walks around the house the last few days due to this difficulty. I try and encourage him to use his walker but I truly believe he doesn't know how to use it properly. No matter how many times I try to explain and demonstrate he wants to "push' the walker. I fear he will topple over and tangle himself up in the walker. That would surely be a site. He uses the walker as a place to put his housecoat. At least it isn't on the floor for him to trip on.

Last night in an attempt to get to the bathroom he spilled a glass of milk and didn't make it in time. A more frequent problem. He went in to clean up and change and upon his entrance he announced there was a big bug in the bathroom.
Normally I would jump up, collect the necessary killing tools and go concur the beast but instead I asked him if he killed it. Hubby happily answered "Yes!"
To which I responded like a damsel in distress, "MY HERO". Hubby smiled and laughed and said "Yep!"

Those are the moments I want to and hope I focus on in the midst of all the confusion and tiredness. I want them to be beacons in the storms of this Lewy Life.
it hasn't been easy this past month to find the light so I am learning (not there just yet, may be a long process) to be calm and listen to the small gentle voice of God. He can show me what I'm missing and more often than not asks me if I'm finished throwing a tantrum so HE can show me.