Disclaimer

This is dementia. It's not just a memory problem.
What you read in this blog is purely my own personal experience in dealing with Lewy Body Dementia every day.

This is not meant to offer any medical or legal advise.
I have no professional training in care giving or experiences in formal writing.
I'm just a woman that loves her husband deeply and wants to provide him with the best quality of life he can and chooses to have.
My prayer though this is "Lord, What am I learning from this; how can I use it help someone else and to glorify You?"
If just one person finds comfort in this public blog. I will feel like it was a success.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Hate/Love Relationship

I hate mowing.
I love mowing.

I hate mowing because it's usually hot and if it isn't I know it will be.
It's dusty and dirty and a job that has to be done often and it takes a long time. I usually have to dedicate a couple of days for it.
Gas can be expensive and mowers require maintenance I am learning to give. Our inability to just get up and go pinches me when I need stuff to repair flat tires or change oil or replenish gas etc etc.
One of my big fears is that while I am taking care the yard, Hubby will be in the house and fall down. I will not hear him if he does. That fear keeps me coming back into the house every little bit to check on Hubby and continually watching the doors in case he attempts to come outside to find me. I've nearly run into a tree straining to see the back door once. Call me George ;-) LOL

I love mowing because it is a solitude away from the phone and the monitor. It is a time I pray and reflect and have some 'quiet time' enjoying the beauty of the earth around me and the sky and the sheer awesomeness of God's handiwork. It's when I mostly appreciate the trees and the shade they offer when I'm hot and need to find rest under one for a short time until I continue with my chore. The sound of the mower drowns out the passing cars and other noises. I once made a comment that I enjoy praying while I mow because I know God can hear me even over the noise of the mower, Heart sounds are louder.

So God and I mowed yesterday and I talked and listened to a great many things.

The update on our bank fiasco has good news. Our income was returned to the sending institutions and placed in suspended status. We now have them un-suspended and should receive an income again in 10 days. YAY! Did I happen to say YAY?!

Our sleeping situation has not improved but I was woke only a couple of times last night. I tried to go to bed early and catch up on a few zzz's. I feel less brain dead today.

Hubby has had a few tough physical days. We took a pleasurable opportunity to have lunch with our baby girl and her hubby. It's strange when your children fight with you over who is going to pay. I offered but conceded her insistence as I know they are aware of our situation and want nothing more than to help in any way.
Hubby was barely able to make it into the restaurant but didn't want to use the wheel chair. We asked to be seated at a closer table than they originally gave us.
Daughter and Son in law gathered up the drinks and utensils and brought them to our new table. After our meal Hubby needed to find the men's room and I was able to get him there. As he went inside I scooted out to the vehicle and retrieved the wheel chair. He did not fuss about the ride out.

He barely walks around the house the last few days due to this difficulty. I try and encourage him to use his walker but I truly believe he doesn't know how to use it properly. No matter how many times I try to explain and demonstrate he wants to "push' the walker. I fear he will topple over and tangle himself up in the walker. That would surely be a site. He uses the walker as a place to put his housecoat. At least it isn't on the floor for him to trip on.

Last night in an attempt to get to the bathroom he spilled a glass of milk and didn't make it in time. A more frequent problem. He went in to clean up and change and upon his entrance he announced there was a big bug in the bathroom.
Normally I would jump up, collect the necessary killing tools and go concur the beast but instead I asked him if he killed it. Hubby happily answered "Yes!"
To which I responded like a damsel in distress, "MY HERO". Hubby smiled and laughed and said "Yep!"

Those are the moments I want to and hope I focus on in the midst of all the confusion and tiredness. I want them to be beacons in the storms of this Lewy Life.
it hasn't been easy this past month to find the light so I am learning (not there just yet, may be a long process) to be calm and listen to the small gentle voice of God. He can show me what I'm missing and more often than not asks me if I'm finished throwing a tantrum so HE can show me.

2 comments:

  1. I've always loved mowing for the one reason of solitude and talking to God.

    Sorry your hubby isn't having the best of days and nights.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I love your comment about wanting the good moments to be beacons in the storm of the Lewy life. I believe God gives us those beacon moments so we can continue on the journey.

    ReplyDelete

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