Letting Go

Many MANY years ago, when the only thing I could do in the kitchen was boil water; I had an experience that lasts me a lifetime.
Once, while boiling said water I took a metal spoon and stirred macaroni in a metal pan. To keep the macaroni from sticking, I was sure to stir the bottom of the pan. As I reached over to turn the heat down on the electric stove, I made a full electrical connection and was paralyzed by the current, unable to let go of the spoon and unable to let go of the stove knob. It didn't last long and I eventually shook off the knob, threw the spoon and backed away from the stove staring it down, assessing my damage and remembering the pain.
Through my fright of the situation I concluded I was glad that was over and didn't want that to happen again although it would not be the last time in my life I have ever shocked by electricity. I recalled the incident several times to family and friends but eventually moved past the feeling and even found humor in the situation.
"See, I can't even boil water" ;-)


So what did I learn from this.
Perhaps that difficult and scary situations I can't seem to get out of, happen. By my own fault or by accident.
My recall of the situation was minimal but I could have easily allowed that fear to take over about electricity. Today I am very cautious and respectful of electricity but have no problems plugging in something I need or want to operate. Case in point, my computer!!
I have learned to use wooden or plastic spoons for stirring. And most of all I make sure , even when I know all is well, to never multitask by stirring and turning down a burner. One hand at a time :)

But what has this got to do with caregiving?

Hubby's Lewy Body Dementia has found me in a few scary, difficult to get out of situations emotionally.
Some by no fault of ours and some by my refusal to let go of the circuit.
I could find myself staying in the depression of the situation without a mind change.
I think the things that I fear is lingering anger and bitterness.
Those are the "electrical currents"' I am very cautious and respectful of.
They had already been in my life too long once and I don't want that to happen again.

So I feel the pain, acknowledge it.
Recall the situation in my blog and sometimes internally for several days depending on the depth of my mood.
Sometimes I just let go and sometimes I find a different method for stirring.
Then I look for the humor, if it can be found, or reach for a donut. ;-)
Mostly the humor these days.
"So tell me again, You're seriously TRYING to reason with a man that has dementia?"
Yeah, that's me, doing the best I can.